Choosing to Let Go

I have really had a hard time writing my thoughts and feelings about this discussion and I'm not quite sure why. So today I am determined to break it down and let's see if I can find some answers...

I trust God but I don't feel like this is something we can be still, listen and not try. I believe the path we have traveled trying to build a family has been given to us, it is just beyond frustrating to know the journey is coming to an end and we may not come out of it with our miracle. It is hard to try, each month of failure becomes harder to deal with. I use to be able to imagine what our kids would be like and now I can't even imagine it, it doesn't seem like a possibility but I can't not try.

I use to find a lot of comfort in that verse. I don't believe that Infertility is something that God gives us, I think it's a way Satan tries to break us. I have come across many Christian women who were unable to have children and they live a very lonely life wishing they had been able to have a family, how am I different from them? Maybe that's where my head and heart have conflict? My initial response is no this verse does not give me comfort. I do not think that God is unresponsive and unmoved but I do think that there are many bigger issues and problems out there so why would God spend a whole lot of time on my husband and I with our desires for a family?

Do you hear God's voice of reassurance?

What do you believe about God's trustworthiness? Why do you feel the way you do? Have other people's experiences affected your ability to trust God? How?

Do you believe God can truly redeem a season of infertility? If so, do you want the God of Sarah and Abraham to be apart of your infertility story? Has this lesson given you any real cause for hope that He already is--or that He can be?

I think God has help direct us down the path we are on but sadly that doesn't give me reassurance. Maybe we are on this path to learn a lesson or to lead us to our next chapter in life.

I think other people's experiences affect/impact my ability to trust that we will have a family. We aren't any more important than a person who tries for years and never succeeds. We are all God's children and let's face it in the infertility world it seems like we come across more people who are never successful than we do couples who over come infertility. Sometimes I think it's just the hand we were dealt so now what, if we have this desire and it wasn't apart of God's plan for us then we're going nowhere right? But then I think this desire came from God and how could the desire to have a family not be apart of God's will?

My head and heart battle between believing that God will help us overcome our infertility but then I also think if he were going to wouldn't he have done so by now? Of course I would love to overcome infertility and the only way that seems to be possible would be a miracle from God.

This lesson makes me feel like I am on this journey for a reason and I can't derail, he has a plan I just wish I knew the plan. It's been a long journey.