Discussion # 2 Michelle & James

Our story....

I think we have to go back to when we kids. I grew up unwanted and resented by my birth-mother. Fortunately my father got custody of me by the time I was in junior high and he had remarried and had a new family. I have always felt tremendous guilt for that. My (step) mom always wanted to be a stay at home mom but because the family unexpectedly grew she had to go back to work. I was "my father's daughter" and while I have bonded with my (step) mom and I see her as my mom I also see the bond that she has with my sister (her daughter) and see how different that is.

My husband was abandoned by his birth father and he doesn't even remember him. Sadly they grew up near his father and his new family but never him. His mom remarried and his step father may have footed the bill for him but he was not to be seen nor heard.

For us we have always wanted a family. We want to experience what it is like to have the bond that we both were lacking. We don't want our family to be all about us, we want a full house and we are running out of time. We weren't trying for the first year and half, we figured it would just happen. When it didn't we went to the drs and I was diagnosed with endometriosis and I was not ovulating. It has been a blur of Prescriptions, Diet changes, charting and temperatures,vitamins, acupuncture, decreasing exercise, Chinese Medicine, home IVI and our next stop is IVF. 5 years about 60 failed months of trying, so many negative pregnancy tests I can't count.

The best lesson I learned came from a book I read by Kristin Hannah called "The Things We Do For Love". She did an amazing job of painting a picture that was beginning to reflect my husband and I. I saw the road we were heading down. I was obsessed. Trying to have a baby had consumed me and our relationship was all about our failure to conceive. I shifted my approach at that moment and focused on making sure my husband and I still have "US" which has really helped a lot.

Our support system has always been very small and it has only gotten smaller. So few people understand or can relate. I think it makes them feel uncomfortable just as much as pregnancy announcements, a pregnant belly or even when we see a family. We avoid babies and pregnant people so I imagine people avoid us because the lack there of most likely makes them feel uncomfortable too.